Psychotherapist High Wycombe Genovieve Feasey, ask do you have an unhealthy mind? Or would you like to restore a healthy mindset? Read on to get further insights how you can develop this and understand yourself even more.
An unhealthy head mind does this because, in reality, it is created by conditioning. It is filled with the assumptions, rules and ideas of the society we were born into and which we have internalised, so much so that we actually come to believe that these assumptions, rules and ideas are our own. It aims at conformity and ‘being reasonable’ . It avoids risk and thereby creates fear. through programming, it wants us to be ‘good children’, work hard, stay out of trouble and shoulder any burdens that come our way without complaint, even if they are unbearable. It never, never wishes us to be authentic. Instead it want us to follow the crowd and foster dependency on other people. It distrusts the ‘irrational’ messages from our bodies responses and tries to resist them. Should our bodies respond by intensifying emotions (as can often happen prior to illness) it assumes that something ‘weird’ must be happening and seeks the attention of a medical doctor or a psychotherapist.
Sadly, this wrong work of our head mind may actually lead us to ignore our distress on the assumption that ‘others come first’ and that letting people down if we admit that something is wrong. After years of this kind of denial we may settle down to a life of cynical resignation in which illness and unhappiness are accepted as natural and inevitable – the ‘way things are’. People who point out a better way, based on spiritual or emotional awareness and personal autonomy, may be dismissed as ‘weird’ or unrealistic.
So how to detect unhealthy mind set? Here’s a list
- Thinking we must be ‘selfish’ if we focus on having our own emotional needs met.
- Blaming other for our problems or distress (if it wasn’t for you…)
- Rigidly adhering to the rules set by others withour questioning them (that’s what the boss says and that must be right…)
- Constantly saying ‘i must…’ i should…’ or ‘i have to …’ in everyday talk.
- Abusing food,drugs, and alcohol instead of attending to our emotional needs.
- Remaining victims instead of taking responsibility and speaking up for ourselves.
- Blindly following other people’s explanations and prescriptions for health and happiness.
- Manipulating others (including therapists) so that we can avoid the hard work of listening to the body and the mind to becoming healthy.
In my view unhealthy environments create unhealthy minds. These may include place like schools, offices, remember unhealthy thinking is transmitted by unhealthy people, many whom have themselves been taught to belittle or disregard the emotions. How many of us were told when we were little that when we were sad that ‘you’ll get over it!’ and when we were full of joy, ‘don’t get over excited’, ‘only wimps cry’ or feeling angry or getting hurt was ‘childish’.
Unless we are lucky enough to have been surrounded by warm and emotionally intelligent people we gradually learned to assume that emotional deadness was normal and that an inability to remain detached from our emotions was a sign of illness. Could this explain the ever increasing use of prescriptions/drugs. Emotional intelligence depends on our capacity for innocent perception, acceptance of our own emotional truth, and permission to express those same truths, and give ourselves permission to do this.
My next blog I will discuss the common traps created by the Mind We Use, tell you about how our thinking ‘Bananas’ cause fixation in our lives and minds.